Sometimes I don't think

For example, when I started my twitter account, I thought the name "Stephoria" was perfect. I never took into account that people would think I was a porn star. For the record, I'm not. That is one big fail for me.

Because it's Wednesday

Enjoy!

The Curious Case of Mistaken Identity

A few months ago, I joined the super scary world on online dating. If I tell you I had a blind date 9/10 times its from online, there now you know all my little secrets. I have met some really nice and some really, I mean really weird guys. One such guy apparently has one of two things 1. He has multiple personality disorder or 2. Anger issues/Passive aggressive disorder.

This guy and I have been emailing for a few weeks, but I have never given him my number (blessings come in all shapes and sizes) Over the course of the weekend I received 6 emails from him. Because I like to share, I am posting them here. Don't say that I never did anything for you. I am helping you feel better about your life. I also left the misspelled words, this will help you feel better about your education.

CH* (Email 1): You misled med. By no means did I have thought of marriage, but you don't have someone spend money and then bail. Your friend had the nerve to bring up priesthood and relief society? Grow up? People who belong to those organizatons dont' cheat others. If you have honor, send me a $10 check to (He had his address here) I'm a student and funds are tight.P.S. Breaking something off over voicemail or IM is tacky.

CH (Email 2): I would still love yoru phone number to text or chat!

CH (Email 3): Cash or money order. Cankles. and get a real job

Finally I responded (you don't call me cankles and get away with it).

Me (Email 1): I am sorry that you were led on. But, I don't feel that I should pay for a date I didn't go on. I wish you luck in finding Miss Cankles. I am fairly certain you were not talking about me since, I have small ankles and a stellar job. Have a good night!

CH (Email 4): No I was talking about you. You approved the date and time and even agreed we should buy the tickets now. I don't care if you don't like me because you were simply something to pass the time with. I go for real blonds that are thin- picutre Zac's wife. Its just totally now cool to approve plans with a guy, have him spend money, and then bail via text. Ddin't you serve a mission? Missionries are supposed to tell someone face to face. Not claling was so weak. And sorry, working at the MTC is a great spiritual job but not a great job long term. It would have never worked out- I like intresting people and not BYU zoobies that chat non-stop about everything. Also, fight your own battles. Thats weak to have your pimple faced roomate write at me. Advice: next time around actually let your date talk so he feels part of the activity. My ears were ringing. That and lose 10 pounds.

Me (Email 2): I think you should take a second and click on the link that will take you to my profile and see who you are really talking to before you embarrass yourself further. I am going to pass on texting or chatting. It seems that maybe you need some time to work through some things.

CH (Email 5- The next day): My nineteen year old cousin got on my account and thought it would be hilarious to send mean messages to everyone on my message board. He is really anti-mission and needs to grou up. I would never do such a thing and I can't apologize enough. I didn't even ralize he had done this until this morning when I saw my emails. I am so embarasssed. I hope you can forgive me but understand if you can't. I'm so embarassed he would do this- he thought he was impressing his friends. I'm just horrified he would write such things. I'm not like that at all. You are such a nice perosn and I've enjoyed our talks so much. He and his family are leaving today (thank goodness). I hope I can explain. Again I'm so sorry. Obvioulsy I need to lock my profile so it requires the password everytime. Again, please forigive me. I have so enjoyed talking to you. I hope you give me another chance. Pleaes know how horrified I am that my cousin would do this. PS His mother found out and lets just say he is grounded.

CH (Email 6- Titled SORRRRYYYYY): Please believe me that someone hacked my account. You are obvioulsy a nice person and I would never say any of those things. I hope my messages in the past show what tiype of person I am and it the terrible messages were no written by my hand. My sincerest apologies. Please let ke know if you got this.

Lets recap mmmkay:
* His cousin knows way to many details. If it was a joke, wouldn't he have just stopped after one email instead of continuing and defending his email when I called him out on it.
* His cousin also has the same bad spelling and grammar.
* What 19 year old gets grounded?
*Zac and his wife should not socialize with CH anymore! Their marriage might start having problems since a winner like CH is attracted to that type of woman.
* I am not blonde and haven't been for years.
* I don't, I repeat don't have cankles.
* If you are that worried about $10, should you be going on dates? I am tempted to just send some cash his way. It sounds like he could use it. Maybe I should start a fundraiser and he can have the cash when he successfully passes English 1010.


Back to the drawing board. Do any of you have a cousin (not this one he is grounded), friend, neighbor, long lost uncle twice removed, doctor, banker, or friends friends brother that is single? It's got to be better than this.

CH=Cankle Hater. :)

Father Time...

I have need or is it want, for at least 8 more hours in the day. I just can't quite get everything done with the 24 hours that I have....and I am ex.haust.ed!

ayayay...These next few months might be the death of me

I got a pocket full of sunshine

Dear Mother Nature,
Thank you for finally getting your act together and sending spring. I appreciate looking out the window of my office and seeing the sun. However, if you allow it to snow again, we will be in a fight FOREVER!
Respectfully,
Steph

When you're feeling fancy

Do you ever feel like an evening gown and strappy shoes are not enough to make the kind of impression you are going for? Well worry no more. To arrive in style, you no longer need to rent a town car, limo, or escalade. Just add some lashes to your headlights. Yeah you heard me right. Today in Park City, I was astonished with what I saw.


Why does all of this crap come from Utah and more importantly why do people buy it? In case you want your own set, they can be purchased here.

Goodbye my lover

Dearest Diet Coke,
You have been my saving grace on more than one occasion. You have always been there for me in my deepest time of need. I have sung praises to your name, and blessed your creators. I fell in love with you quickly and deeply.

In the past few weeks, I have started to feel differently towards you. The popping of the can, the burning of the bubbles, the rich caramel flavor, just hasn't been enough. To have you in my company has been more of an obligation than a joy.

I can no longer feel like a slave to you. I feel that it is best that we part ways. I wish you well. I hope that you will find many loyal fans who will stick with you through thick and thin. Right now, I need to do what is best for me. It's not you, it's me.
Farewell,
Steph

Fun Fact Friday

Maybe "Fun Fact Friday" was something that I made up on my way to work because I have nothing else to blog about, maybe it wasn't. Don't lie, I know you don't really care about my Stake Relief Society training last night. The one where all the wards except mine were given binders full of emergency preparedness plans...it's ok, we're single, we don't need to live...Will someone please feed my dog?

Regardless of how lame this post is you get know learn 8 (5 wasn't enough, ten was too many) random facts about me.

#1. I absolutely hate April Fools Day- Every year I wake up dreading it. I wonder how many fake babies are made and murdered each April 1st? It's a tragedy really...thousands of dead fake babies.

#2. Love sauerkraut on my hot dogs-I don't eat hot dogs all that often, when I do they are only all beef. Don't judge, I know you eat them too.

#3. I have never seen Star Wars-I don't plan on changing that either.

#4. I can say the ABC's backwards-Legitimately I will not just turn around and say them. That's what all the posers who want to be cool like me do.

#5. Some might say I am a rapper-While it is true I like to break it down with the boy bow-wow, I don't do free style...Ain't neva gonna happen.

#6. I LOVE broccoli-It's my favorite vegetable. It doesn't matter how it's cooked, or if it's cooked at all. I could eat it everyday!

#7. I have the fever-The Beiber Fever..Not really but I do have ONE song that may or may not be in my top 25 played list on itunes.

#8. I am the proud owner of a tuxedo t-shirt- This is for when I am feeling fancy. Nothing says, "I'm formal, but like to party" like a tuxedo t-shirt.

Well there you have it folks. Enjoy!!!

To the fish in the sea

Dear Internet Dating Site Boy #1,
Your cheesy pick up line won't work on anyone over the age of 15. Think of a new approach and try again. You can do this...girls are not that scary (well most of the time they are not). Good Luck!
Sincerly,
I'm happy to help, but it's never going to happen with me.

Dear Internet Dating Site Boy #2,
You're hot, smart, funny, and charismatic. Please ask me out already!
Sincerly,
The girl who is patiently awaiting your next email.

I'm just like a cat...I have 9 lives

6 months!!! My oh my where has the time gone. My life has been full of all sorts of adventure...ok, that's a lie. Unless you call working an adventure, which I don't. The truth is I am just lazy. I needed a break. My creative juices had run dry. Don't fear, I have been rejuvenated. This is mostly because my consumption of diet coke, and chocolate cookies has increased. Heaven bless the makers of diet coke, praise be their name.

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to have a cookie decorating party for St. Patrick's Day. That is what we Mormons do; instead of drinking we bake. I went to go the store to get decorations, and Irish Creme Soda (what party would be complete without garland). Alas, the store was out of said items. I live in Utah, it was 5 pm on the day of this event, what was I thinking? I left the store in a hurry in hopes of making it to another one before my guests started to arrive. As I stepped off the curb, my ankle decided that it hated me. It gave out, causing me to tumble to my death (me dramatic...never) on Main Street. As I was laying in the gutter, cars were slowing down staring at the "poor little drunk girl" who fell down. I gathered all my courage and hobbled to my car, where I proceeded to cry.

The next day, I sucked it up and went to the doctors office. Turns out I have torn ligaments in both my ankle and knee, a bruised patella, and a possible meniscal tear. As if that wasn't bad enough a few days ago, the other side of my foot started to hurt. So I sucked it up again, and went back to the doctor. Now I have stress fractures in my foot. The worst part of this whole ordeal, aside from the pain, is that I have to wear shoes with arch support. Have you ever tried to find cute shoes with arch support? No, well count your lucky stars. No joke, my doctor wrote me a note to give to my work to excuse me from having to dress up. I wish that blasted note said that I could also wear my sweats and come in at noon.

I have to go back to the doctors office in a few weeks to check on my knee and make sure there isn't actually a meniscal tear. Moral of this story...watch out for curbs and killer ankles, they'll attack at any time. If you do find that you have been attacked, you should see if your doctors office has a frequent visitor rewards program so your 5th visit is free. I can promise you, you'll be going more than once.

The happenings

I have been busy-this includes a few activities and a job change of sorts.

1-I went to Denver to visit my dear friend Amanda in July. It was such a blast and I miss that girl so much. Amanda, please move back!
2. I got to scratch something off of my bucket list. My company did a service project with Habitat for Humanity. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I also was able to get power tool certified that day.
3. I took my adorable nephew on a date. We had a blast. Don't tell him, but another date is in the works.


My job change hasn't been a huge change. I just have added responsibility, which has kept me super busy. It has only been 1 week, so I am sure it will get even busier as time goes on.

Count them one by one...

*The Gospel*Laughing*My Mom*
*My Dad*Sunsets*The Beach*Good Health*
*Reagan*The Book of Mormon*Joseph Smith*
*My Calling*Watson*Amanda*Healing*
*Swing Sets*Shannon*Devin*Churros*
*McKenzie*Flowers*Braxton*Creativity*
*Tom*Spring*Brandon*Michael*
*The Ability to Read*My Job*Tradition*
*My House*Diet Coke*PePe*My Bishopric*
*Emily*Rainstorms*Dani*Clorox Wipes*
*Ashlee*Technology*Phones*Allan*
*My Bed*College Football*Jen*Movies*
*Ice Cream*James*Organization*
*My Counselors*Kites*Thunderstorms*
Pools*Insurance*Shoes*Blankets*
*My Testimony*Love*TV*Barnes and Noble*
*Pier1*Chris*Trials*Service*My Mission*
*Heartache*Dreams*Goals*Pina Coladas*
*Baby Animals*Hugs*Rainbows*Potato Chips*
*Bonuses*Answers to Prayers*Brittney*My Duck Pen*
*My Eyes*Travel*Purses*Parks*Knowledge*
*Thomas S. Monson*Learning*Roller Coasters*
*Electricity**Indoor Plumbing*Family*Friends*
*Games*Memories*History*Sunshine*
*Stories*Love Letters*Hope*The Atonement*
*Temples*Eternal Life*Air Conditioning*Saturday's*
*Cherries*The Love of the Lord*The Holy Ghost*
*Support of Others*Air Conditioning*Chocolate*Music*
*Color*Waterfalls*Forgiveness*Surprises*
*Peace*My Relationship with the Savior*

And it will surprise you what the lord has done.

One of those days

Do you ever have those days? The ones that you know are coming. They loom in the future, and you do everything you can to stop their fast approach. Ones that you know will change the way you feel about things, people, and the future. In one instance the wind can be knocked out of you, and in the next you can feel liberated. It's heart breaking and healing all at the same time. Today I am having one of those days. Goodbye past...Hello future.

Pretty much I suck, but what's new?

I am not even going to try to come up with an excuse as to why I haven't blogged. You'll just have to trust me that there is a good reason. Ok, so maybe there isn't one, and I don't have time make one up.

So I recently reentered the dating scene. Thanks to a good friend and her inter-friend-tion. Let me tell you, it's a jungle out there. Seriously, what are some people thinking. I have some pointers for making your online dating website profile. (yes, I gave in and joined an online dating website...I could give you a plethora of reason why, but for now lets just stick the fact I did it, and leave our judging at home)

• When choosing a screen name please pick something appropriate. Ladykiller, Iwannawoman, and gunnagetya are not appropriate. I can promise you that I will never even look at a guy whose name is ladykiller.
  
• When choosing a profile picture please pick a good photo. A good photo is something that is not older than 2 years. Do not post your senior picture from high school up, especially if you are 31. Do not put up a picture of you with a bunch of other women. Do not put a picture of you sleeping on the couch.
• When writing in the about me section, please spell all words correctly. It should go write, proof read, rewrite, and then post.
  
• Upon the first meeting ie: chatting, do not, I repeat DO NOT ask the other person's bra size. If they refuse to tell you, do not proceed to guess.
• When you finally get to the point of setting up a date. Arrive on time. Do not arrive an hour late. Actually for all dates-arrive on time!
• Keep all weird body tricks to yourself. I don't care that you can touch your head with your foot and I really don't want to see it.
  
• Don't expect to meet your soul mate within the first week. It won't happen. Especially if you tell said soul mate, they are your soul mate during the first 3o minutes of your date.
• Try to have fun. Key word is try. :)
  

It's like a bad train wreck... I have to watch

So at the end of the last season of the Bachelor with Jake, I made a promise. This promise was simple-I would no longer waste my time or brain cells with this stupid show. I was doing really well in keeping this promise, until 2 weeks into this seasons Bachelorette with Ali.
I hate her. I really do. She annoys me to no end. She keeps loser guys, has bad extensions, and the worst fake laugh I have ever heard. Seriously it's like hyena with a cold, and I want to smack her. Who knew I had such a violent personality.

Last night I had the unfortunate experience of watching this with my mom. It was great to spend some quality time with mom. But, I wish we would have been doing something a little more productive like playing Yahtzee.

I have a few comments regarding this last episode.


1. Who does weatherman think he is? Lurking in the background. Look little gay man. Come to terms with who you are and stop being a freak. Good luck getting a date after this show, now the whole world (note-I sometimes exaggerate) knows you are freaky. P.S. I don't care what forecast you say, it will never ever be hot where you are, just saying.



2. Ali I am sorry that you were sick. But, please don't kiss boys when you are on your dying on your bed. Let them give you a little peck on the cheek and then send them on their way. Nobody wants to see you get your "mack" on while you are on your death bed. I question the sanity of the boys that actually kissed you while you were sick.


3. Dude, who got a tattoo. I do believe the psych ward has an opening in room 9. Don't walk, run there. You need all the help you can get. I understand you were trying to "prove your commitment" to her but in my opinion (which is obviously the only right one-look it's my blog alright) permanent ink should wait until you are actually paying for dates yourself instead of mooching off of ABC. I have read reality Steve, and I know you don't last until the end. What are you going to do with that tat? Pretend you did it for the next girl you date, I am sure she will love the shield that is protecting Ali's er I mean her heart. I think she'll know what really happened.


4. Rated R. You creep me out. We all know you are up to something. Do you just moonlight as a wrestler or is that really your job?





I am sad to report that I will be most likely, who am I kidding, I will be watching next weeks episode. Do you watch this show? What do you think or this season?

Man oh man...

I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating cookies. I would probably join him.

Am I the only one that thinks a little scruff is sexy?

Today

I am ex.haust.ed!!
The end!

All in all it was a success

Vegas was awesome!!! Day 1- I got my pina colada, and a salad that changed my life for the better. My room got upgraded to a room with a view for free. I think he just told me that to make me feel special, and you know what it worked. Because of that I spent a whole 10 min longer than I normally would have looking at the swimmers. I was wishing I was brave enough to bare my white white skin and winter body.

Day 2- Had rehearsal and was serenaded (does it count as serenading if its rap?) the unknown songs of Sir Mix A lot, by the teleprompter guy. Saw the battle of passed out drunk man vs. door. The final score was Door-1, Man-0. I realized that most men that go to club TAO have forgotten what decade it is, and that in 2010 it is not socially acceptable to wear your shirt 3/4 of the way unbuttoned. Likewise, most girls who attend club TAO got ripped off when buying their dresses. Most of them were in over sized shirts. Finally got some gelato; it was heavenly!

Day 3- Got up at o'dark thirty for a 5K. Who plans a 5K at 6 am? Saw the runners take off and then had security drive me to McDonald's to get a diet coke. It. Was. Awesome! From there we had oh about 10 min to change into our suits and head over to the event. Hung out back stage for many many hours without sufficient food. Luckily, our security guys rock and they kept me entertained and supplied with diet coke. After the sessions ended (2 hours late) we went to some parties. One in the Paris, we tried to go to one in Planet Hollywood, but it was canceled. We then headed to the Palazzo, this party was my fav. The suite there rocked. One day when I am a millionaire (cough don't hold your breathe cough cough) I would like to throw soiree's for my friends there. We ended the night at Bally's.

Day 4- Barely made my flight, sat next to teleprompter guy, who kept me entertained the whole way home. Rushed to church and was there for the remainder of the day.

I am still trying to catch up, but tomorrow I will write a more entertaining post (cough don't count on it cough cough).

Viva Las Vegas

I am getting ready to go sin city for work.
I leave tomorrow morning; return on Sunday. I hope I am able to find some time for a little fun.

My list of goals are:
1. To not get married, but if I do to have an attorney who will be able to pull off a 24 hr annulment. (I kid, I kid)
2. To not get a tattoo-This is not really a temptation, I needed an easy goal.
3. To meet Elvis- Maybe he can officiate at the wedding. (see #1)
4. To drink a virgin pina colada from the Bellagio-They are the best, I am not lying.
5. Maybe find myself a pirate man at the Treasure Island show (See #1).
6. I am sure there are many more, but I don't have time to think of them right now.

Have a great weekend ya'll!

Just know prayers are answered

There are many people I pray for. Who do you pray for?
Enjoy!