June 6, 2011

The Curious Case of Mistaken Identity

A few months ago, I joined the super scary world on online dating. If I tell you I had a blind date 9/10 times its from online, there now you know all my little secrets. I have met some really nice and some really, I mean really weird guys. One such guy apparently has one of two things 1. He has multiple personality disorder or 2. Anger issues/Passive aggressive disorder.

This guy and I have been emailing for a few weeks, but I have never given him my number (blessings come in all shapes and sizes) Over the course of the weekend I received 6 emails from him. Because I like to share, I am posting them here. Don't say that I never did anything for you. I am helping you feel better about your life. I also left the misspelled words, this will help you feel better about your education.

CH* (Email 1): You misled med. By no means did I have thought of marriage, but you don't have someone spend money and then bail. Your friend had the nerve to bring up priesthood and relief society? Grow up? People who belong to those organizatons dont' cheat others. If you have honor, send me a $10 check to (He had his address here) I'm a student and funds are tight.P.S. Breaking something off over voicemail or IM is tacky.

CH (Email 2): I would still love yoru phone number to text or chat!

CH (Email 3): Cash or money order. Cankles. and get a real job

Finally I responded (you don't call me cankles and get away with it).

Me (Email 1): I am sorry that you were led on. But, I don't feel that I should pay for a date I didn't go on. I wish you luck in finding Miss Cankles. I am fairly certain you were not talking about me since, I have small ankles and a stellar job. Have a good night!

CH (Email 4): No I was talking about you. You approved the date and time and even agreed we should buy the tickets now. I don't care if you don't like me because you were simply something to pass the time with. I go for real blonds that are thin- picutre Zac's wife. Its just totally now cool to approve plans with a guy, have him spend money, and then bail via text. Ddin't you serve a mission? Missionries are supposed to tell someone face to face. Not claling was so weak. And sorry, working at the MTC is a great spiritual job but not a great job long term. It would have never worked out- I like intresting people and not BYU zoobies that chat non-stop about everything. Also, fight your own battles. Thats weak to have your pimple faced roomate write at me. Advice: next time around actually let your date talk so he feels part of the activity. My ears were ringing. That and lose 10 pounds.

Me (Email 2): I think you should take a second and click on the link that will take you to my profile and see who you are really talking to before you embarrass yourself further. I am going to pass on texting or chatting. It seems that maybe you need some time to work through some things.

CH (Email 5- The next day): My nineteen year old cousin got on my account and thought it would be hilarious to send mean messages to everyone on my message board. He is really anti-mission and needs to grou up. I would never do such a thing and I can't apologize enough. I didn't even ralize he had done this until this morning when I saw my emails. I am so embarasssed. I hope you can forgive me but understand if you can't. I'm so embarassed he would do this- he thought he was impressing his friends. I'm just horrified he would write such things. I'm not like that at all. You are such a nice perosn and I've enjoyed our talks so much. He and his family are leaving today (thank goodness). I hope I can explain. Again I'm so sorry. Obvioulsy I need to lock my profile so it requires the password everytime. Again, please forigive me. I have so enjoyed talking to you. I hope you give me another chance. Pleaes know how horrified I am that my cousin would do this. PS His mother found out and lets just say he is grounded.

CH (Email 6- Titled SORRRRYYYYY): Please believe me that someone hacked my account. You are obvioulsy a nice person and I would never say any of those things. I hope my messages in the past show what tiype of person I am and it the terrible messages were no written by my hand. My sincerest apologies. Please let ke know if you got this.

Lets recap mmmkay:
* His cousin knows way to many details. If it was a joke, wouldn't he have just stopped after one email instead of continuing and defending his email when I called him out on it.
* His cousin also has the same bad spelling and grammar.
* What 19 year old gets grounded?
*Zac and his wife should not socialize with CH anymore! Their marriage might start having problems since a winner like CH is attracted to that type of woman.
* I am not blonde and haven't been for years.
* I don't, I repeat don't have cankles.
* If you are that worried about $10, should you be going on dates? I am tempted to just send some cash his way. It sounds like he could use it. Maybe I should start a fundraiser and he can have the cash when he successfully passes English 1010.

Back to the drawing board. Do any of you have a cousin (not this one he is grounded), friend, neighbor, long lost uncle twice removed, doctor, banker, or friends friends brother that is single? It's got to be better than this.

CH=Cankle Hater. :)


Reagan said...

WOW. this guy is a WINNNNNNER! lol
I want to meet him, and Zac's wife...need to know the type of woman I should look like. Hopefully Zac's wife is fatter than me, then I don't have to lose weight...since she is obviously the pinnacle of perfection. Oh to be Zac's wife.

Callie said...

I love this! I had some doozy emails in my single days as well :) I have fun link for you http://www.danoah.com/2011/06/things-you-should-never-say-to-single.html

emmersjemmers said...

Oh my GOSH!!!! What a punk! What a rude, immature, crazy, psycho, punk. I'm sorry Stephanie! I know how crazy online dating can get so I sympathize with you. I'd have people write me long, hateful emails and then block me so I couldn't respond. Infuriating.

Kelsey K. Hartley said...

Oh my gosh. That's all I can think to say about this individual and his so-called prankster cousin. Truth is, he may actually be 14-yrs-old...