May 16, 2008

The way it goes

So for as long as I can remember I have been praying for something. Then finally I get it, and it turns out that its not really what I want. Its like I can't be happy with what I have been given. I keep thinking well what if this or what if that. I keep wondering if I am settling because there are things that I want to be different.

For the last few weeks I have been having this internal conflict. Going back and forth with what to do. If it was truly what the Lord wanted wouldn't I feel complete happiness? I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I can go from high on life, to the depths of misery in .5 seconds. The littlest things can change my mood. I am not usually like that. I am a pretty easy going, roll with punches type of gal.

For all of you who have had to put up with this I am sorry. I promise it will get better one day, I just can't promise that day will be soon. I have a feeling that this is a decision that will take some time to make. I have to KNOW I am doing the best and right thing for me. (Hey you were warned I told you I analyzed everything) Thanks for your patience, I appreciate all the love and support.


Amanda said...

Oh my love... I heart you! Hang in there and things will work out. Don't you hate when people say cliche things like that :)Muah!

Reagan said...

You will do what you are supposed to do, and those decisions are never ever ever easy ones. and im not gonna lie and say there isnt regret...but you have to do what is best for you. love you!